Erin from The Munchkins shares her story in today’s edition of “On Becoming an SMC.” Erin isn’t just a fellow SMC, she’s also a fellow Mother to Multiples with five-year-old identical twin girls.
In my younger days, I had a bad habit of dating the wrong guys. If there was a guy who wanted nothing to do with commitment, I dated him. Probably for much longer than I should have. All of this was likely because I wasn’t ready for commitment either, but it’s hard to see any of that when you’re in the middle of it.
I switched jobs when I was just shy of 30 and it became a lot harder to meet guys. I tried everything – cooking classes, bars, internet dating. I just wasn’t meeting anyone I was interested in. One summer I went on a ton of first dates, very few second dates. I finally found a guy I was somewhat interested in and went out on a few more dates with him. After date #4 I was put on a project that would mean weekly travel to California for the next nine months. He immediately dumped me.
I had a lot of time to think out in California. Twice weekly four hour flights, 45 minute drives to the client/airport, and a lot of time spent on the treadmill meant that I thought about my life a lot. It was clear I wasn’t going to meet anyone while travelling like this, so I did the math. At that point I was 32, by the time I rolled off the project I would be 33. If I met someone right then we would likely date for a year, then be engaged for a year, and then maybe think about a baby, by which time I would be 35. And that was all assuming I actually found someone!
Thinking through that timeline made me realize that I really wanted to be a mother, and that it wasn’t something I was willing to leave to chance. I don’t even know how the concept of using a sperm donor and becoming a single mother by choice came into my head, but once the seed was planted, I knew it was something I would do.
I did a ton of research and thinking before I took the plunge. I didn’t know anyone who had done this, and I really wanted to make sure that I wasn’t jumping into anything that would scar my children. Luckily, there was a single mom on my project and she was an amazing sounding board for me, as were my friends and family. I also made sure I was financially stable before I even started trying to get pregnant. I paid off every bill I could, and stockpiled a large emergency fund. Not having anyone else to count on, it was important to me that I be in the best possible position to support a family.
Once the decision was made, I told my family. I told most of them on New Year’s Eve, as we drunkenly told our New Years Resolutions. Mine? To try to get pregnant. Once my secret was out, it became even more real. Surprisingly, everyone was very supportive! Okay, so my mom took a little while to come around, but I knew she was just worried about me.
From the time I decided on this path to the time I started trying to get pregnant was almost a year. I’m not someone who jumps into things quickly, and I definitely needed that time to really wrap my head around everything. I’m glad I did that though, because by the time I did start trying, I was absolutely ready. Of course it took another 10 months to actually get pregnant, and then of course I was pregnant with identical twins, but I wouldn’t change a moment in my journey!
Vistit Erin’s Blog at http://erinlaughs.wordpress.com/
For more information on becoming a Single Mother by Choice, visit www.singlemothersbychoice.org